nothing makes me want to count calories and run 17 million miles a day more than getting together with family. i had originally declined to visit this summer not only because of the sweltering heat, but because of my inability to fit into anything remotely decent hanging in my closet. you see, i’ve gained 20 lbs. since i had last seen my mother’s dysfunctional clan this past Christmas. and of course, aside from me, my mother and two sisters, everyone in the family is thin and healthy looking. so every gathering is a lesson in humility. i know, i know, love thyself. but when everyone else that resembles you looks so great it’s hard not to feel this way.
but i’m on the Zombie Diet, aren’t i supposed to squash those globs of self-loathing back down into the mire from whence they came? well, i did. even though i felt self-conscious about my size, and i was sweating buckets from every pore, my hair was coiffed, my clothes fit well, my make-up was perfect, and i was funny and sociable. life of the party? not quite. a team player? definitely.
i got a “you’re such a pretty girl” from Mom’s cousin D., overheard a “she’ll be okay” from cousin M. when Grandmom whispered her concerns to him about me finding love again (not sure why she was discussing such a topic with cousin M. when i was right there pretending not to listen), and a “you can do it” from cousin L.’s ex E. when discussing my unemployment and attempt at book writing. so i was feeling good. however, even with all those good feelings churning it was still hard to avoid the bad feelings. especially when cute and petite cousin L. was always sitting or standing next to me so we looked like the most amazing before-and-after photo.
however, i didn’t wallow for long as any loathsome thoughts were fleeting. instead of spending the whole day loathing myself, i tossed all those feelings to the zombies nipping at my heels. it tripped them up and they lost their gain on me. and it’s thanks to those flesh-eaters that i was able to do it and think differently for once. i never felt so good and had so much fun at a family gathering since i was a kid when i didn’t have such worries. and now i have the incentive to count those calories and run 17 million miles a day! okay, maybe that’s a little far-fetched. i’ll WALK 17 million miles a day! thanks Zombie Diet!